Totally Legit Internet History: The Cult of Wednesday Adams

On October 31st, 2012 a sorority from Florida inadvertently started a cult worshiping Wednesday Addams. While planning their Halloween costumes for the year, a group of the young women in the sorority decided to dress in reference of the cult hits Mean Girls and Addams Family for their Halloween costumes. They all choose various outfits in black, braided their hair in pigtails, and posted pictures stating that “On Wednesday, we wear black.”

A few girls in the sorority opted to dress as slutty crayons instead and the Wednesdays (as the group had named themselves) began pressuring the minority. When some did not cave to the pressure, the Wednesdays poisoned them.

Artist's rendition
Artist’s rendition

Now with a taste for murder, the group kept on killing. The reasons for their heinous acts? It could’ve been any number of offenses ranging from not calling them the day after to taking the last fat free yogurt.

Local law enforcement was powerless to stop the group, knowing that no one is going to convict a plethora of attractive young white women. Hipsters attempted to stop the crime spree by claiming that they liked Wednesday Addams before it was cool, but when the President of the Sorority claimed that true Wednesday fans drank poison, the hipsters had no choice but to drink. It was the worst mass hipster suicide in the history of Florida.

The group was finally stopped in late October when a group of local goths set about systematically rolling their eyes in derision and ignoring the girls. Attempts to poison the goths failed, as goths only live on cheap black coffee and cigarettes.

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