Hey guys, it’s me! You’re friendly, neighborhood trigger warning. The following video contains graphic violence, depression, suicide, and is basically heavy as fuck. Don’t watch if you’re in a vulnerable place.
Did you read my rambling introduction? I’m going to pretend you did so I don’t have to recap and instead, we can just say the obligatory “previously onFangirl Follow Along” link to the edited I NEED U and jump right into the meat of this post.
So my reaction to this Big Hit logo was the same as when the MCU logo starts. I mean, I finished the other version of I NEED U on break at 9:45 and it’s now noon and…
BRING ON THE CONTEXT!
So instead of Suga and hotel room bed with a lighter, we have Jin, petal, weird shorts showing off knees and thighs.
And I want to say this is the weaker opening, but apparently, Jin has thighs for days so…
Just, Lord have mercy on my poor battered and weary soul.
No. NO! I forbid crying Jin. I cannot handle that right now.
Okay, a less rough looking J-Hope. Clearly not as deep into his pill addiction. Are they diet pills? Caffeine pills? I need to know.
Check the angle of his throat. The concept directors for BTS create amazing lines with the boy’s bodies every single time. Paint this, throw it up in a gallery and people would be talking about it for years.
They way they use lighting and makeup to make it appear as if J-Hope is tired, gaunt, and strung out without actually physically harming J-Hope.
Jungkook from further away and at an angle that accentuates his strong jaw making him look older and more in control.
(Still seventeen here, a reminder.)
And now looking like a lost child. Same sequence, but the angle of his head is different which changes the entire way he’s perceived.
Note the unfinished hem of the shirt adding to the softness and vulnerability of the shot.
Wait… is it V’s dad that he kills? (With a trident…)
V can actually act. Please don’t do these things to me.
I just… need a moment to handle whatever trauma they’re going to put Suga through.
I should have taken more minutes.
Side note: exactly how I sleep when lying on my back.
RM, still (lolli)poppin’ and lockin’
Seriously have to write that post about the female gaze and homoeroticism. A man sucking on a lollipop is done for the same reason they have women do it. It invokes the same imagery. But it is designed to titillate a different group of people.
(Straight white women fetishize man on man. I can’t speak for Korean teenagers because that’s not my area of expertise.)
STILL NOT SAFE, JIMIN.
And I still question why he’s wearing a shirt in the tub. I mean, aside from modesty. But modesty is only an issue if he knows he’s being filmed which raises an entirely new set of questions and…
Fuck it. Look at Jimin’s arms. Damn, that man can take me to the gun show any day of the week.
I type through my tension headache as I try to convince myself that’s what I care about.
It’s not, and it didn’t work, but my lunch is over and I only made it 47 seconds in. The song hasn’t even started yet.
Jimin burnt his hand here. You know that, right?
Oh hot damn! That is a nice touch.
So now we’re back to the regular video. I guess.
(And I was right, it was a motel.)
Is it… is it really the same video? Am I going to have to just put this whole breakdown with the other video? Make it a special? What is going on?
Well, this is a screengrab I didn’t get last time, at the very least. (It was there, I just already had a couple of grabs of Kookie looking soft and broken.)
So this scene is slightly different and far more troubling. Instead of one pill, possibly for depression, we can see that he’s actually abusing whatever these are.
(Seriously what are they?)
He dry swallows a handful.
Appears to choke on them (or maybe that’s water, it’s hard to tell.)
Before looking at his distorted image in the water’s reflection.
And then brush it away.
Okay, for those of you without depression (or who’s depression manifests differently than mine) you should know that reflections are hard. If you hate yourself, the last thing you want to do is face yourself. So the hopelessness associated with J-Hope here resonates and is painful.
Especially considering that J-Hope is always smiling. Always sunshine. Fuck, hope is right there in his name.
If he’s unable to find hope, what chance do I have?
Brilliant storytelling, in short.
Back to Jin’s impressive legs, which I cannot unsee now, so thanks so much for that.
V’s ass is still only hinted at, but by the way he moves you’re still lead to believe it is fucking epic. And I still can’t get a still of it, leading me to wonder if he has an ass at all…
Is it all an alien angel smoosh baby illusion?
Still not sure why we go full on hobo railroad here…
Or why Jimin is happy. And wearing a polo shirt with gold trim. Which I was kind enough not to point out last time but right now it’s cutting off his guns and I’m concerned.
I am literally picking the same stills. I’m trying not to. Or to at least only get them when they’re particularly moving. Like here, where they’re all sitting on top of a train car and you’re looking up at them with a great view of their rolled cuff jeans and boots.
Now, this image speaks to me personally because of the people I went to high school with. This aesthetic was very popular back then and my cousin (well, my husband’s cousin) sported the rolled jeans and boots look. I had a pair of boots like that. My husband has a pair of boots like that.
This brings me back to high school. A time that is arguably the shittiest pile of shit in any human’s life.
Especially a queer nerd with depression.
What I’m saying is that this image speaks to me. Deeply.
V whips his head to the camera and smiles and I’m not sure they meant to include that transition or if you’d even notice it when just going through the video but it scared me.
Full on jump scare jolted out of my seat.
“What the fuck is your problem” look. I didn’t include it last go round.
HOLY SHIT. HOLY FUCKING SHIT. GLAD I GOT THAT LOOK THIS TIME BECAUSE THIS IS A NEW FUCKING SCENE.
I gasped and I’m crying a bit because I am very worried about Kookie here. Very worried.
Like, so worried that I don’t want to pause because I want to see what happens next. It best be kneeing this asshole in the nuts. Because…
Or just throwing his arm off.
And then looking pissed off. (And hot, but we’re ignoring that because: seventeen.)
And now we’re back to the regular flow. Jungkook’s eye. Burning flower. Lost boys running.
Jin and Jimin trying to ruin my life by smiling.
Oh! A new scene where the eldest and the youngest are ordering food. Jin possibly has his hand wrapped (because he burned it lighting fucking petals on fire?) and Kookie looks Jungshook.
Jin looking amped to get his food. Which sounds about right. Many of Jin’s live streams revolved around him eating. Like, to the point that they were called Eat Jin. It’s a thing. Videos of him eating and cooking and…
IT’S A THING.
So having it here makes me feel like BTS and I just shared a joke.
The thought occurs that I didn’t eat lunch. Instead, I watched this video. So now, looking at this tray of food I’m so fucking hungry.
And one soda.
Why is there only one soda?
Maknaeing around (see what I did there? Instead of monkeying. Even though it’s Jin fucking about and he’s the hyungest hyung… Just… forget this happened.)
Fuck, I’m hungry.
They’re gonna get kicked out and there was food left…
Goddammit V, you know I can’t stay mad at you.
I love this shot of RM. Just full on laughing and it doesn’t even feel stagged at all.
Especially since this shot of Suga is just… terrible.
RM is back to working at a full-service station. And yes, I did watch the other video twice and this one halfway through before I realized that’s what was happening…
Every time they waste food my tummy rumbles a little more. Two more scenes and it grows sentience and starts attacking the city…
In case you were wondering what happened, let me provide dialogue.
Suga: Wanna sip?
RM: What is it?
Suga: I mixed Mountain Dew, Orange Soda, High-C, and Vanilla Cherry Diet Dr. Pepper.
RM: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I fell right into that homoerotic pitfall. Just wanted to be one hundred percent honest with you guys.
Just full on “OH MY GOD I SHIP IT” before I even realized how shitty I was being.
But we’ll move past that because the clown car full of BTS members shows up.
And I really wish we stayed with them being unsafe because what happens next pisses me off as much as Kookie being thrown against the wall.
This fucking asshole throws his goddamned money on the ground.
Now, I’m not sure if we visit the same corners of the internet. In the ones I frequent, though, there has been a recent wave of “fuck you and your disrespect for so-called unskilled labor.”
The idea working retail or flipping burgers or waiting tables or working as a gas pump jockey make you lesser because it doesn’t require the same knowledge as something like brain surgery.
And that is true, but it doesn’t mean it requires no skills. It does. And it requires you to possess them and the ability to stand for long periods of time while being abused by self-entitled assholes for absolute shit pay.
And that is expressed fully with the look on RM’s face.
And the rage it causes me…
This is because I said the RM thing pissed me off as much as the Kookie thing, isn’t it? The video heard me, said “game on” and went back in time to have Kookie being kneed in the fucking face.
Just… this video sucks.
And also, there’s something very wrong with me because I think guys mid-fight look hot.
Not here, because he’s seventeen… but here because fuck it I’m already going to hell why not just put the pedal to the metal?
Thrown against another wall, kicked, and in obvious pain. This is my punishment for that hot comment because now I’m crying and feel intense guilt.
Still being beaten up.
Where is V?
He would stop this. Probably by killing that guy.
J-Hope passes out from all the pills. I tear up even more.
Basically choking on emotion right now. And there’s still two minutes left.
I’m going to have to put trigger warnings at the top of this video.
Oh, he was wearing clothes because he was going to drown himself. Cool. Great. Wonderful.
I’m just going to cry forever now.
Basically, I’m left to assume that the rest of the video is Neverland after the Lost Boys (I had meant that in the vampire gang sense, but here we are) die and join Peter Pan.
Flower gleam and glow…
Oh, the flower was his heart. And he set it on fire.
So, what? Heartbreak? Heart attack?
I dunno, but Jin’s dead now too.
Oh good, this is where V kills a dude. Except he probably gets killed instead. Let’s find out.
The last I’ll see of him before he’s killed or a killer.
Girl gets hit. (Stop using violence against women as a plot point.)
V picks up bottle. Fuck my life.
Jungkook is hit by a car.
V kills this guy.
I pause and look up the meaning of the video. I learn that this video was cut down to make it 15+ instead of 19+ as the original (this version) was deemed too dark. That the (fan) theories appear to be that this was all either in Jin’s head or not, but either way representing the hardships of youth and growing up.
They even reference Peter Pan. So yay me?!
Fuck, I’m still pissed Kookie died.
And that Jimin died.
And that when the boys are running around happy it’s because they’re all dead. That Suga (who evidently burned himself alive, per fan theory) and Jimin are the first to run off with J-Hope following.
Beckoning to the others to follow.
Jin looking pure as he dies.
The boys horsing around cut back and forth to
V still murdering.
Maybe this is in Jin’s mind.
The boys being happy
V not covered in blood.
Oh, I just hadn’t gotten to the fire yet. Swell.
V covered in blood. (Allegedly that’s his dad and so it’s his sister who nopped out of the situation in the corner.)
Why? Why ruin the bed for me?
J-Hope dumping out the pills because who needs pills when you’re dead?
No. Don’t take this from me.
So the lollipop he drops…
Ends up being a cigarette he drops on (for some reason) American money. At a gas station. Before we cut to:
Please make it stop.
But god damn, he’s fucking beautiful here.
As is V in his utter despair.
Dead J-Hope I could’ve lived without.
Oh god, the put Jungkook in shorts and balancing on a wall at the sea… They should’ve just given him a sign that said “I’M A DEAD KID”
The rest of our lost boys.
Could’ve done without this too.
Do appreciate them throwing in RM’s awesome hair here, though.
And I don’t for a second believe it’s a coincidence they focused on V and Jin here:
And we’re left with hope. After their deaths. So um…
Fuck it, breakdown time.
I NEED U (original version) by BTS
Released: April 24, 2015
Album: The Most Beautiful Moment in Life, Part 1
Notes: The version that was not edited to be shown on television
Watched Status: Previously unwatched
Bias: …the wine I’m going to drink later to forget this.
Reason: Oh god, it all hurts.
Favorite video to date: NOT FUCKING THIS ONE, THAT’S FOR GODDMANED SURE.
Join me next time when I watch break down and watch the rest of this trilogy because apparently, I hate myself.